When we moved to this house with a pool a few years ago, I decided to splurge and buy myself a pool float that cost more than $10. After seven years, my treasured pool frippery is showing it age.
But it still works and I have an idea to repair it with some waterproof tape if I can. Anyway, me and my blue floaty were out there today alone and I was asking God some questions. Not the little ones about what to make for dinner, how can we pay to repair the crumbling patio, or how am I going to get brave enough to enroll my dog in an obedience class. I don’t normally bother God with those kinds of questions, though I am sure that He would not mind at all.
No, my questions today on that broken floaty were the biggies; What am I doing here? Why am I the way that I am? And, what is the whole point of Susie anyway? I mean really? What’s it all about (Alfie)?
In my growing up years, my church vaguely, and sometimes overtly sent me the message that our purpose is to win souls for God. Period. I believe in Heaven, and since I am firmly into my 6th decade, the thought of my hereafter definitely wanders through my mind on a regular basis.
I don’t know if it is due to certain scriptures or to sermons designed to encourage us to help people get saved, but I also have a weird picture of what our “mansions” might look like in Heaven. I somehow caught the idea that my heavenly home will be commensurate with my soul-winning talent. If I can convince a great number of people to love God, my mansion will be bigger and grander than those who do not. So now, my grownup mind is wondering how there could be “good neighborhoods and bad neighborhoods” in Heaven. Seems wrong.
Which brought me back to the big questions while floating today. If I am a quiet, stay at home person who rethinks every single slight conversation that I have ever had with anyone, about anything; what is the point of me? What am I doing here? Why am I here at all? I have a small world. I love my people in my world and they know it, but where is my purpose in the big picture of it all?
And guess what happened? A beautiful blue dragonfly perched itself on my big toe. Don’t laugh. I did, but my laugh was not AT me, it was a giggle of pleasure at seeing a dragonfly ON MY BIG TOE!
It looked at me with those weird big eyes and just rested there for a while. Then it flew away, circled the pool and came back to my big toe…again and again. I think it liked me. We just stared at one another for nearly 30 minutes. I am crazy about all the dragonflies that hang around my yard at this time of year, I’ve always wanted one to land on me. But even though I love them, I have purposely not googled dragonflies because I do not want to learn something awful about them. Like that they see us as good spots to rest and poo or something disgusting like that. Sometimes the unknown is best.
As we looked at one another I had a thought. What is your purpose, little flying creature? What did you accomplish today? Why are you the way you are?
And I smiled.
That dragonfly was doing it’s job perfectly. He was being himself. His purpose was simple and clear to him. For today his job was to circle the swimming pool and give this odd lady a big smile. My conclusion my seem like a stretch for you, but somewhere deep inside me, I feel like I make God smile sometimes. As I circle my home, doing my little chores and marking small tasks off my To-Do lists, that my God takes pleasure in me just being me. Could that be true?
Could it be true that God loves us, even likes us and enjoys us just as we are? Just living our lives and loving our small world of people as best we know how? My world is extremely small right now and I do not see it changing much in the near future. I am what I am, as designed by Him and by the path I have walked. I am here to give Him pleasure and love my people. That is enough.
For today anyway.